


Vigilante Meets Mercenary

by dreameh



Series: Peter Parker's Stark Tower Adventures [10]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Phone Calls & Telephones, Precious Peter Parker, Sarcastic Peter Parker, Thaddeus Ross is an asshole, Wade Wilson Likes Peter Parker's Butt, Wade is a flirt, deadpool is not a vigilante, i cant believe thats a tag, peter parker's protocols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 09:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreameh/pseuds/dreameh
Summary: Patrol for Peter on this particular day had officially taken a strange turn when well known mercenary Deadpool tried to throw him off a bridge. Good thing his entire life was strange at that point.





	Vigilante Meets Mercenary

It was a normal day for Peter Parker. Well, as normal as a day can be for a teenage crime-fighting masked vigilante. He’d been on patrol and it had been tame up until he caught wind of a three car pile up that had just occurred. Hearing about that caused a little bit of unnecessary worry about the wellness of the people in the car and therefore he was admittedly a little reckless in swinging over to the scene, worried about civilians. 

Once he reached the scene, he dropped down at the closest end of the bridge and checked in on the people who were there, making sure they were okay. He then walked over to the edge of the bridge and towards the group of three girls sitting together on the footpath, one girl had blood on her head, the others were looking slightly better than her, but still not in perfect condition. As he did this, his Spidey Sense tingled, but it was a little too late as someone had picked him up and thrown him off the edge of the bridge. The girls he’d been checking on screamed out of fear for him, but he shot a web up to catch himself before he could fall and turned to face the culprit. 

The first thing he saw was a red and black suit with a very similar design to his own. He only knew who this person was due to Tony’s dislike of him and his job and his methods of getting said job done. The instant he had recognised him, he narrowed his eyes at the mercenary and shouted, “Deadpool, what the FUCK?” Said person turned around and his eye lenses widened comically large in reaction. 

“Oh my god, Spider-Man? I am so sorry!” That had sounded a little too sarcastic for Peter’s liking, but he had bigger concerns at that exact moment. “ Please don’t tell me you were the one who caused the crash.” Deadpool shrugged nonchalantly and Peter felt his heart sink. 

“I mean, technically I didn’t cause it, but at the same time I did. I didn’t cause the crash out of my own free will, but it happened because they were trying to kill me, which is sorta dumb because they should know I can’t die by now but anyway I thought you were one of them!” The more time he took as he tried to process what the mercenary was saying, the more confused he got, so Peter ended up just looking at him with narrowed eyes and responding to what he  did understand with a flat voice, saying “Dude, I’m a public figure, why would I try to kill you? Also, who are ‘they’ and why exactly do they want to kill  you ?” 

“I don’t know why I thought you wanted to kill me, I just saw someone not dressed normally who happened to be you and thought you were a bad guy? And ‘they’ are the leftovers of Francis’ psychotic cult who try to mutate people to make super slaves.” Peter had to do a double-take at what he had just heard. “Who’s cult for  what ?” He asked, disbelieving that what he just heard was a real thing. “Oh, you heard that right. This guy named Francis appealed to the weaknesses of people in need and promised them that they’d become superheroes, but they didn’t know what was going to happen to them until it was too late.” Peter swallowed nervously, mouth dry. 

“We’d get to his clinic, which was not sanitary, safe, or even legal, and he’d put us through intense torture until the mutation that we apparently had became dominant, or until we died. Whatever came first. If we did mutate, he’d sell us off to anyone who wanted a super slave. He’s a psycho, and that’s coming from me. After I killed the key players in his organisation, the rest of his goons skedaddled and now they’re trying to hunt me down.” Peter shook his head in disbelief, he couldn’t believe that some people could be like this. 

“Okay, but why are you running?” He tried to avoid snickering at the vine he’d just referenced and continued talking, “If you’re unkillable, and a mercenary, why are you running from the guys who are after you?” Deadpool mumbled something and Peter was sure he heard a ‘I didn’t have my weapons on me.’ come from the mercenary. Peter narrowed his eyes. “Wouldn’t, no... shouldn’t you be trained in hand-to-hand combat? What does it matter if you don’t have your weapons?” He burst out, confusion lacing his voice. 

Deadpool muttered a ‘fuck’ upon realising he had been heard and hesitantly responded to the inquiry, “I couldn’t unalive them?” Deadpool shrunk in on himself when Peter shot a glare at him from underneath his mask, it almost seemed he could sense the glare through the lenses. Peter tensed when he heard Karen’s voice ask “Would you like me to contact Mr Stark and request him to come here?” Peter’s eyes widened at the AI’s offer and shook his head “No, no, no! Karen, don’t contact Mr Stark. I’m okay, I assure you.” 

“I know you are well, but Deadpool is on Mr Stark’s blacklist for you and the blacklist suggests immediate contact.” 

“Great, I forgot that. Okay, what can I do about this?” He mumbled “Uhh, Karen initiate Paranoid Old Man protocol.” Paranoid Old Man was a protocol he and Wanda had thought of. It allowed Peter to override calls being made regarding issues that Tony would flip out over, such as this exact situation that Peter was in. It couldn’t be initiated if Peter was harmed, however, in this situation, he was thankful he was unharmed because otherwise this would’ve gotten out of hand real quick. Deadpool snickered at the protocol name “Paranoid Old Man protocol active. Stay safe. You know the parameters of this protocol Peter.” 

Peter didn’t acknowledge Karen vocally, but he planned on sticking within the limits of the protocol. “You’re lucky, if Karen had contacted Mr Stark, he’d definitely find a way to kill you. Now, back to what we were just talking about, what the fuck does it matter if you can’t ‘unalive’ people. If you don’t have weapons, just knock them out or tie them up and leave them for the police to find. Or if you’re really worried, knock someone bad out and drop them at the police station. But regardless, you shouldn’t freaking kill people! You're superpowered, mutated, whatever you wanna call it, but that makes you a vigilante and according to Ross, that makes you more dangerous. You shouldn’t make yourself more wanted by Ross. I haven't even met him and I know how much of an asshole he is." 

Peter could almost sense the smirk on Deadpool as he disregarded everything that he was just told and only said "Baby boy, you worry too much. I’ll be fine, don’t worry your pretty little spandex covered ass.” He blew Peter a kiss and walked off. After grimacing at the last things that Deadpool said to him, he turned back to where the girls were to assure them that he was definitely okay, but they were just looking at the retreating form of Deadpool in confusion. “What... just happened?” The one that spoke looked at Peter, who only shrugged in equal confusion. 

Later on, Peter was tinkering with his web shooters in the lab while Tony was experimenting with his nanotech. AC/DC was blasting to a point where it was loud, but not unbearable for his senses. They weren’t talking, but the atmosphere was comfortable. 

Peter fell out of his chair when FRIDAY shut off the music suddenly and spoke loud enough to startle him “Boss, sorry for that Peter, General Ross is calling, should I put him through?” Tony turned to look at Peter, giving him a look that the teenager knew meant for him to be quiet so he nodded in understanding. Tony sighed “I guess.” He shrugged, preparing himself for whatever else the guy decided was going to be an issue. “Stark! Your pet vigilante was seen gallivanting with Deadpool!” Tony’s head snapped to look at Peter with a criticising glare and Peter silently yelped and ducked behind the workbench he was by, cursing internally at his luck. 

"Deadpool is a highly dangerous super-powered vigilante, even more dangerous than your pet," Peter, just realising that he had been referred to as something to be owned not once but twice, glowered at the roof, "I want you to bring that damn vigilante in or I want Spider-Man's identity." Peter peeked out from behind the bench to watch Tony's reaction to the proposition (threat) and was unsurprised to see anger in his body language. 

"I may not like Deadpool, but he's not a vigilante, he's a mercenary, so by that logic, I'm not bringing him in. He does his stuff for himself and for money and his 'super-powers' aren't something that you can try to copy for your idea of a super military. And I’ve noticed that the people he kills are corrupt, maybe you’re afraid that he’ll come after you? Is that why? And you should know by now, don't ask for Spider-Man's identity, I'm not going to give it to you, nor will anyone else who knows. Now, goodbye Ross, I haven't enjoyed this conversation one bit therefore I hope you have an equally horrible day."

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus:
> 
> “How are you on this fine day, Baby Boy?” The familiar voice of Deadpool was heard from above where Peter was perched on the edge of a building, watching the street below. “I told you that Ross would be after you.” Is all that Peter said, pursing his lips underneath his mask in distaste at the nickname. “You’re lucky that Mr Stark is sarcastic as fuck and used the fact that you’re a mercenary, not a vigilante, as his excuse to not bring you in. And by the way, he’s pissed that you even made contact with me so uh, I’d be careful if I were you.” 
> 
> “But Baby Boy I am careful.” Peter looked up to where he was sitting and sighed in exasperation. “Can I come out with you? I’d love to see your ass in that spandex while you swing.” Peter squirmed at the shameless flirting that was coming from the mercenary. “Uh, no. If you want to even be allowed near me then you cannot keep killing. Mr Stark doesn’t care that it’s your job, plus, it makes me uncomfortable that you kill so uhhh... willingly.” 
> 
> A moment of silence. Then, “Baby Boy doesn’t want me!” Dead pool whined. Peter cringed at the nickname again. “It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with you, it’s just that my guardians would find some way to kill you if you are around me while your track record is the way it is. And could you possibly not with that nickname? It makes me unnecessarily uncomfortable.”
> 
> He could practically feel Deadpool pouting at him "You're no fun Dear. I guess I'll have to make a good impression on Daddy Stark so I can see my Baby Boy." Peter grimaced and threw a rock up at him. He didn't react as he heard a yelp confirming that the rock had hit its target. "Go then, make a good impression. Never call Mr Stark 'Daddy Stark' ever again, it's disgusting. And stop calling me Baby Boy!" As Deadpool retreated off the building, he turned to shout back to him, saying "Not gonna happen, Baby Boy!" Peter groaned in frustration.
> 
> im sorry I didn't update for a while. I had every intention to finish this one earlier (as in, weeks ago) but it didn't quite happen that way. it is now 1:30am on my 19th birthday and i'm gonna sleep, i'm hyped to see Far From Home again later today, goodnight y'all.


End file.
